Reflections During the Holidays

It's the most wonderful time of the year...or so the song says.  Although I've worked in retail for more than half my life, and I absolutely abhor commercialism and usually cannot tolerate the general public, I honestly still love the holiday season. Whether one celebrates Christmas like me, or Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Ramadan, this time of year always fills me with happiness.

 I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, decorating the Christmas tree, baking cookies with Chloe and attending candlelight church services. I could listen to "Jingle Bells" or "Silent Night" twenty-seven times this week, and still not tire from hearing Christmas carols. Perhaps it is just a continuation of feeling grateful during Thanksgiving last month, but I can't stop thinking about how lucky I am in my life. While I currently work at a job that makes me want to scream because I despise it so much, I always remember that I'm lucky to have a job, and to be employed there for twelve years. I also feel rather fortunate that I make a decent enough pay that I can get away with only working there part time so I can be home with my lovely family more often.

Even though we don't live in a lavish home and my car wasn't made in this century, I'm still thankful to have our little home and my almost twenty year old car, with its 202,000+ miles on it and the fact that it has been payment free for eight years. There are so many people in the world who are not that lucky. I feel so humble to have such amazingly loving and supportive family and friends throughout my life. Most of the time, I wonder how they've put up with me all these years...I figure I must've won them over with my hilarious sense of humor. ;)

The funny thing is that no matter how blessed I feel especially during the holidays, I find it difficult not to feel a bit of melancholy creeping up in my mind. I suppose you can say I feel blessed yet slightly depressed when I begin to think of other people. Particularly in quiet times like these...when it's one o'clock in the morning, and the husband and kids are sleeping soundly, my mind will slowly begin to wander. I find myself enjoying the silence that is absent in the daytime, the quietness being the antithesis of the constant scramble of our daily lives. Then I start thinking about others, strangers all over the world whom I'll never even meet. I think about those living on the streets, people who have lost their jobs and homes, people dealing with mental or terminal illnesses, people who feel alone or desperate. It's surely no coincidence that this sensation of sadness has been enhanced due to the horrific event in Connecticut last week. I can't stop thinking how the families of those precious children and the loved ones of those incredibly heroic women can make it through their utter devastation when just earlier last week, they were probably so excited about enjoying their holiday traditions with their family this upcoming season. It's hard not to wonder why I have been so fortunate throughout my life while millions of people struggle with so many hardships every day.
I just try to remind myself not to take it for granted, because it could all be wiped away in an instant.

Honestly, I didn't mean for this post to end on such a dour note. This season can truly be a beautiful time. It just makes me realize that I want to do....more, for lack of a better word. In fact, I think that will be my New Year's resolution. I want to do more to help those in need. I want to help encourage my children to do the same as they grow up. I want to show Chloe and Charlie ways that we can help by volunteering our time and that giving feels just as good as receiving. While I'm aware that is extremely easy to appear gung ho about changing the world while typing away at a keyboard, I sincerely want to try to make this world a better place for my children. I've always wanted that...and I'm going to try my best, one small step at a time. Wish me luck, friends! :)