Just call me Sybil

Well...that's not entirely true. I don't suffer from multiple personality disorder. I'm too boring for that. Although, I do think there are several "people" who make up my personality...kinda like that show "Herman's Head" from the early 90's, with the guy Herman who had four conflicting characters that were a part of his psyche. Allow me to introduce them.

The first one is a man I'll name Clarence. He's an old crotchety sonuvabitch, probably in his late eighties, who wears his trousers up to his nipples and carries a cane with him so he can wave it in a menacing manner whenever a young whippersnapper pisses him off, which is ALL the time. He doesn't like teenagers, he still has a rotary phone, he wishes people would just stay off his grass, and he always talks about the good old days...when he had to walk 10 miles in the snow to school uphill both ways. Clarence doesn't really care for change. I hate to admit it, but he's a big part of my psyche. He rears his ugly head usually when stupid people get on my nerves, which is quite often, because I work in a retail setting. :o( It's Clarence that appears whenever I mutter, "Damn kids" when I see a group of college kids running around a store acting like morons, or when I think "Dumb bastard" when I see people driving while talking on their phones. Ha ha.. I like Clarence.

Another prominent figure in my personality is a spoiled little brat. I have to call her Veruca, since Veruca Salt from "Willy Wonka" is who comes to mind. The epitome of an annoying little ingrate who has everything but wants more, more, more. She must ALWAYS have her way, no matter what. Now, I try to keep this little bitch well hidden. I don't want her to see the light of day. It's funny because I never grew up spoiled. I'm not rich, not flashy, and I'm fine with that. But somehow, over the years, that whiny little Veruca was somehow created and I hate it. She usually appears when I have a day off on Sunday, and my husband is leaving to meet his buddies for cards. He usually meets them around two and doesn't get back til ten or so. I honestly don't mind him hanging out with his friends. Not at all..they're great guys. But it's not often I get a weekend off, and when I have a weekend off , I want to spend it with him. Unfortunately, Veruca won't allow me to eloquently express my request. Oh no. She pouts when she doesn't like what she hears. "Oh..so you'll hang out with them ALL day and ALL night?? Oh, okay..well, that's fine. I just thought maybe WE could hang out together..as a FAMILY..you know..since I actually for once have the WHOLE day off.." And when those guilt-trip laden words come out of my mouth, I get so pissed off at myself, I just want to smack myself across the face. Poor Floyd. He's such a good guy and shouldn't have to put up with that Veruca side of me. Maybe someday Veruca will be so fed up from never getting her way that she'll run away. :o)

There's a part of my personality who I don't mind. He's about fifteen, and for lack of a better name, I'll just call him Beavis. I have to be honest..I have the humor of a fifteen year old boy. I'm not appalled by movies that specialize in toilet humor and fart jokes. They make me happy. I giggle incessantly when people say, "It is my duty" or "I do do that". I always think "Ha ha..they said 'dooty' " or "Heehee..."doo-doo".." My humor is on an immature level. I can't help it. But I think it makes life more enjoyable, because almost anything a person says, I can twist it around into a double meaning, and it makes my heart smile.

Well, once you get past the cantankerous old man, the little girl who needs a good kick in the ass, and teenage boy who gets a laugh at silly things, you're left with Jenny. Just Jenny. The thirty year old woman who deep down still feels like she's in high school most of the time. The woman who's always thinking about her friends and family, even those she hasn't talked to in a while. She's the one who can empathize with anyone, who wishes the world was a better place for her child and future children to grow up in. She's the one who loves her husband and little girl deeply. She hopes that she will always be someone her little girl can look up to, and hopefully someday, when she's gone, she will be remebered for being kind and thoughtful, and funny as hell. I think that is the true Jenny.